Find a religion, he said
by MrsMailJeevas
Summary: When Mello asks Matt to find a religion, any religion Matt sets out to do just that. He wants to be a scientologist and there's nothing you can say against it. That won't work out well and Mello won't stop until Matt's a Catholic just like him.


Authors note: This is strictly for fun. I don't mean to offend anyone with this. I myself am a Christian so please don't leave hate reviews. Have a sense of humor that's all I ask. With that said this will probably be a three-shot. So read, review and enjoy.

Heavenly father

It wasn't the first time Mello had come to him with the idea that Matt should find a religion. He said it didn't have to be Christianity but Mello hinted several times that he wouldn't be okay with another religion in their household. Matt hadn't really spoken on the matter, if anything he decided that silence would be the best idea for what the blond wanted. He wasn't a religious person, hell he was gay. Wasn't that some kind of weird ass paradox? But the more he thought about it the more that he wanted to make Mello happy. No, not happy that he would go out and find a religion but actually pretend that he was looking up stuff on God. Mello had even bought him a bible. It all came to a head yesterday.

"So what do you think?" The blond asked over dinner that he had fixed. Matt didn't want to comment that the only reason that Mello cooked him anything was so that Matt couldn't run anywhere while they ate. He stared at his half eaten plate unsure of how to respond to the other. "I mean, if you have any questions I would be happy to answer them for you." He attempted a slight smile but the red head still didn't look up from his food. "Matt, please say something."

The red head took a sip of his wine, a really long one. "Look Mell, I'm telling you I don't think this whole religion thing is good for someone like me. Can't we just leave it that you have it and I'll burn in eternal hell when I die or whatever?" He instantly knew that he had said the wrong thing when blue eyes narrowed across the table. It was rare that Matt saw Mello without the kohl eyeliner that he used to show off his eyes but tonight he wasn't wearing anything. That just made it all the scarier. "I didn't mean it like that."

Mello slammed his hands down on the table to pull himself up. He grabbed his plate walking around the table and snatching Matt's from in front of him before heading into the kitchen. Seconds later the faucet started as the blond began tossing around the dishes to wash them. At least he didn't fly out in flat rage. That wouldn't have ended well.

He stood and followed the blond into the kitchen. "Mello, you know what I mean. I wasn't raised on religion and all of it seems…a bit silly?" He watched as the blond picked up a plate and slammed it against the counter. It shattered into several large pieces a few flying out towards Matt. The blond turned to look at him. Shit, he'd said that wrong thing again. "I mean, not silly. Of course not silly. I mean it's what you believe. There's some big man in the sky and he watches everything we do like Santa except he judges people when they die like a court system. He loves all his children except the gay ones or so I've been told. You know that." Mello still didn't move.

"Did you just call my heavenly father silly?" He hissed brandishing a piece of the shattered glass. "Say it again Mail. Say it and I'll kill you."

Matt held his hands up, "thou shall not kill or something. I'm pretty sure that's not what He wants. I'm just saying."

"Don't fucking quote things at me!" The other screamed taking a step forward. Matt sprinted, he'd overstepped his place by way too much and Mello was about to make him pay for it. He hit their bedroom door hard hearing the others boots on the floor behind him. Tonight would certainly wind up with another note on their door about noise too late or early in the day. He nearly kicked the door down to get inside and close it before Mello got to him. He made it but just barely. The blond hit the door like a hurricane. He rattled it to the point Matt stepped away. "Open the door."

Matt stared at the handle but it didn't move. "Hell no, you're mad."

The door shook violently, "Not mad Mail. I'm fucking pissed, let me in." Mello punched the door. "Mail fucking Jeevas open the door."

Matt sat at the edge of the bed watching the door. "Okay Mello, here's the thing. I looked into all those religions and everything and I found one that I liked but I don't think you'd approve." He whispered hearing Mello release the door.

"What religion Matt? What religion isn't silly like mine?" He hissed with deadly calm. The blond was about to explode. Good thing the door was locked.

Matt was silent for a few minutes. "Okay, it sounds really weird at first but the more you read about it it's pretty legit. I mean sure, Tom Cruise is a bit of a crazy ass leader but you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I want to be a scientologist. It's like Christianity but batshit insane. Listen, humans are extraterrestrials called thetan that's stuck on earth."

"You're fucking with me right?" Mello's voice was dry.

In the most dead calm voice that Matt could muster he replied, "No. I am an alien."

A lot happened in the next few seconds. Matt burst out into hysterical laughter, so much so that he didn't notice that door splintered before bursting open. The blond stood there in shadowy anger. Matt glanced up and instantly his laughter went from sixty to zero.

"Oh shit." He whispered backing up on the bed as the blond took a threatening step forward. His hand was bleeding from squeezing the broken plate but it was no longer in his hand.

"Oh shit is right. You think this is funny Matt? You really think my religion is funny?"

Matt shook his head slowly. "No sir." He ended up pressed against the headboard. Mello took another step. "Okay Mell you win. Okay, okay. I'll find a religion. Just don't hit me."

The blond tilted his head to the side. "Really? You're serious?"

He shrugged slightly, "If you don't hit me I'll bark like a damn dog."

"Bark then." The blond still stood over the red head looking as if he were ready to strike. "You heard me, you said you'd bark. I won't hit you if you bark."

Matt had never been so humiliated. Well, that's a lie. There was that one time Mello locked him out their bedroom after he took a shower because he was studying. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't forgotten his towel to begin with.

He opened his mouth before closing it. He couldn't actually be serious. "Come on Mell, I said I would do this whole religion thing. Why do I have to bark?"

"Because, bitch you said you would." He folded his arm but his fist was still clenching.

"Okay, okay." He took a deep breath. He would never live this down. He did his best interpretation of an ankle biter. The longer he went the redder his face turned.

Finally after about five minutes Mello turned heading back towards the door. "We're going to a church tomorrow. Oh, and make sure you fix this damn door." He disappeared down the hallway without looking back.


End file.
